Friday, January 1, 2016

Good-Bye 2015 - Won't be sorry to see you go

2015 started out with such great anticipation.

I had started a brand new job that would become official at the beginning of February and I was quite excited. It was with a great company and I had a wonderful boss. It was exactly what I had been looking for after a year of switching jobs (3 times!)

I had purchased a brand new home that was supposed to be completed at the end of March and I was excited to stop renting – even though it had only been a year since I had sold my old house and had been in a rental. I had not realized how different it was to live in someone else’s home and not be able to fix things as needed. I never really felt that the house was ever clean.

My daughter (Michelle) and her husband (Tonino) had just come back from being deployed in Germany for four years.

My son (Randy) and daughter-in-law (MaeRose) were expecting their second child.

My oldest son (Jared) and his wife (Carrington) were happy with their two little girls and his business (A produce store) was thriving. Both Randy and Michelle were working with Jared and life couldn’t be better. 

How utterly foolish of me to think that all things were finally going to get better and my little family was going to be happy.

February  I did start my new job all was great - good start!

March 31 turned into April 3 and I moved into my brand new house - second good thing - Oh wait - not so great. I moved into a house that had no gas meter - which meant no hot water, no cooking, no heat --- let me tell you how much you rely on that stuff! Well, I can't but let's just say that life was quite interesting for 4 days. Luckily I was still at home and had not returned to work so I figured out how to make it work. The gas was turned on and the next day I had to return to work. That would be the first day that Trixy - you know - my beagle and compratiate in all things - would be alone. But I felt fairly confident that she would do good. She had adjusted to the house and the yard.

Lesson #1 for 2015 NEVER take for granted what you have 
I came home from work and there was NO dog! I ran up and down all the streets calling her name and she was nowhere! When I ran into the sales office (I was living in a new community that was still under construction and for sale and Dan (the Sales guy) told me he already knew she was out - they had seen her running down the street about 3 hours earlier. Apparently one of the contractors let had let her out and no one could catch her. How I ended up with the most skittish dog on the face of the earth and the one that could not stand man is beyond me. I immediately called my children. Randy and Michelle came over immediately and Jared could not imagine why I was so upset - after all - she's just a dog. We made flyers and scanned the neighborhood for two days. (She had gone missing on Friday at noon.) I let a good friend know and she put Trixy in her prayer chain. Something must have worked because on Monday at 5:00 I received a call from someone who said they had just seen her - she had crossed a major street, a freeway overpass and another major street. I started heading that direction and another call came in from a lady who said Trixy had been waiting for her at her front and she was safe in her apartment. Let's just say that words could not describe my exhalation.

Lesson #2 for 2015 - Count your blessings while you can
June 4, 2015 Jake Logan was born. I had the great fortune of watching Ryan (my eldest grandson who was only 2 - almost 3) for three days.

June 7, 2015 Jared and Carrington announced that they were pregnant for the third time and were due at the end of December. It was another little girl who would be joining big sisters Annabelle (2) and Aurora (1).

June 20, 2015 Randy determined that he could no longer work with his brother and would it be okay if he quit, found a new job, and moved his family into my brand new home. I figured why not - it is a 3 bedroom house and there was plenty of space.

July 15, 2015 Randy, MaeRose, Ryan and Jake move into my house.

Lesson #3 for 2015 Motherhood NEVER ends

Labor Day morning - 9AM - I receive a call from my Michelle. Through the tears all I can make out is: "He's gone." I told her I would be there as soon as I could and I think I broke every land record in history and made it 45 miles in 30 minutes! As I had been driving I informed both Jared and Randy that they needed to get over to her house ASAP and then I found her father and told him the same thing. I walked into her apartment and Jared was already there. I hugged her and let her tell me the story - which ended up coming out in bits and pieces over the next several weeks. Tonino was not happy. He did not know what it was but he hadn't been for a very long time. He didn't think it was her but he couldn't be certain. He just didn't want to be there anymore. She told him to go and not come back until he was sure. She never expected him to leave, but leave he did. Over the next several weeks it was apparent that he wanted to still be in contact with her, but he had no intention of going back to school or finding a job and that he had PTSD and would not admit it. Working for her Jared Michelle thought he would understand the situation - but he didn't. He had a business to run and after two weeks of her not showing up and not being there for her shifts he told her it was unacceptable and she quit! With no income and no idea where her future was going we decided that it was best for her to move closer to me. We went apartment hunting, but she would not make a decision without him. Cut to the end - She moved into a brand new apartment on October 22 and he decided to come home. Mind you - he had not resolved all his issues, but she felt that they should be together while they worked on them and he agreed. SO now I am responsible for the rent on an apartment, neither one of them have a job, and the mortgage on my home and food for 5!

November 23, 2015 Michelle starts a new job I found her where I work. (Did I mention I have a 45 minute commute each way?). She hated it from the beginning and ended up making herself physically ill. She went to work for the first three weeks and then started calling in sick.
Finally on December 20 she quit - so now we are back to her neither one of them having a job - although she is diligent in her search. He still has no intention of going back to school or getting a job.
In the meantime, Jared is very upset as Michelle left work without notice and left him in a bind. Furthermore he blames me for making it so that Michelle didn't get punished for her actions and that he is the only one that is suffering. He no longer wants to have anything to do with the family - so stop inviting him and oh by the way - I don't want you to call or text me anymore. I don't want to have anything to do with you.

Lesson #4 for 2015 Pain has no boundaries

On December 26, 2015 Abigail Snow was born and I received a group text announcing her arrival. I have not heard form, nor do I expect to, her father. The biggest pain at this moment is the fact that he can be mad at me all he wants, but he has taken me out of my granddaughter's lives.

So the truth really is that I guess I am prepared for whatever life throws at me in 2016.


  1. Wow! Hopefully it will all turn around in 2016. I have thought of you often this past year.

    1. AS I have you - how is everything with you?

    2. Everything is good here, except for the fact that the wonderful state I live in STILL has no budget - going on 7 Months into the fiscal year - and I do work for the state :(. Kids and grands are all doing great, three grandsons now! I think it's time for a girl.

    3. Wow! I didn't realize states could operate like that - does that mean you aren't getting paid?
      And yes - a girl is due!!

  2. That is a WHOLE LOT of hard stuff to deal with all happening in the last half of 2015, and snowballing to boot! It seems that every family has one child who thinks it's all about them, and why doesn't everybody see it this way?! UGH. At some point he will get over his snit and realize that he is hurting the one who loves him more than any other, his Mom. What you do or don't do for your other children isn't up to him, it's up to you to draw the lines where you feel they should be, and I'm sure over the course of this coming you will figure that out. You are so right when you say don't take anything for granted, life can and does change on a dime. I am happy for your job change, your beautiful home, your awesome grandkids, and that Trixy, thank God, was returned safely home! Will be praying that all the kids step up and decide to get back in charge of their own lives so mama can have some peace! In the mean time, we do the best we can, that's what all good Mom's do, and I'm right there with you, praying for the best and that they ultimately make good choices. But then again, we also had to learn the hard way from ours. XOXO

    1. As always my friend - sending that love right back atcha

  3. Oh my dear friend, that is a sh*t ton to go through in a year!! I'm sorry for how that sounded, but good gracious. You are fiercely strong to have come through all that and still be trying to hold your family together. I do so hope for better things and mostly Restoration of family for you in 2016. Thinking of you xx

  4. Brenda, I was pleased to see this post from you. I hope that in 2016 the painful things are resolved in positive ways for you. I also hope that the good things multiply. Hugs and peace.


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