What a fruitful week!
No great leaps and bounds, but certainly many tiny steps forward.
On the work front I am again looking for a job - this is getting old! I thought I could make this one work until retirement but I am beginning to think there is no way! Not only has the boss been classifying me as a BA - which is something I did 15 years ago, but now he has pinned me into a corner and told me that I will be traveling to Mexico and might need to stay there for a month. Yeah - not going to happen!
On personal front things are good - still staying true to my convictions - not allowing negativity to rule. Spending time with me to get to know who I am. Figuring out what I like. I have three started books - all 50% done - am seriously thinking about finishing them just for me and my friends. There is no way I will go through the hassle of publishing again unless by some miracle a publisher finds me and offers to pay. I just need to figure out which one to continue with
Stay tuned for that one!
The biggest break through this week was a 'family' meeting set up by Jared. He had things he wanted to get off his chest towards all of us. We met at a neutral location - and of course he brought his dad with him. He had some valid points and listened to his brother and sister's responses and reactions. Dad interjected pointless sentiments. Jared holds a great deal of anger and is finally seeking some help with this. I think that is great! He had papers written for everyone and when he got to mine - last - their Dad said I don't need to hear this and left. Well that didn't bother me, but as far as Michelle is concerned, that is the end! He got up and left without any conclusion.
It worked out well for us (the 4 of us) as Jared started to talk to me he couldn't even speak. I had told myself I would listen, but I could clearly see his emotions would not allow him to convey his message so I asked him if I could talk. I told him I realized I had hurt him deeply in the past and that I was terribly sorry for any hurt I had caused. I realized that I had made decisions from an adult point of view and never considered the child's point of view. I explained many things he had never heard before.
I further explained to all thee of them that I now know that guilt is feeling bad for something that you intentionally did, and that I had never intended for their lives to go the way they had and that I feel terribly bad for it, but no longer guilty.
While their dad was still there he again blamed the entire situation on the fact that I had left him and broken up the family - mind you that was 23 years ago! Jared, Randy and Michelle are all intelligent enough to understand that he is the one that has kept this grudge going for all these years.
I left it with Jared like this: I love you, I will always love you and when you are ready I will be here. He asked if would be willing to see his therapist with him and I said of course.
Although there is no firm definition for the future I believe we are all on the same journey that will bring us to a similar point.
All - in - all ----- Good week! Positivity abounds!