Tuesday, January 19, 2016

Brotherly love

I have a brother that is 13 months older than me that I was very close to growing up. Considering I had 10 brothers I had to pick one - right?  That's beside the point.

Paul and I were really close - he helped me move into college - he came and visited me. We talked about absolutely everything! We even got married 6 weeks apart from each other. As our lives matured the distance between us was great, but we were still very close.  I got a yellow lab, he got a black lab.  His died from poisoning, my was hit by a car.....

He got divorced after 5 years, I lasted 6 - he had no kids - I had 3 ---- and therein lay the beginning of the rift.  I was a very confused 33 year old with 3 kids under 4 and all I knew was that they needed to be protected and cared for. He had no idea what that was all about.  He met and married a nurse and I did not attend their wedding - it wasn't that I didn't want to, it was just that he was getting at the exact time I was supposed to be 100 miles away picking up my children and I made a choice.  I have actually regretted that choice for many years and when we spoke about it a couple of years ago he said he hadn't even remembered and that I should just let it go.  I finally have!

Tonight I called him because I have been thinking about him a lot and he turns 57 in 2 days. As we talked and I told him that I really missed him as my brother he told me that life took us in different directions and that we had separate lives now. I agreed and said but that is no reason why we can't at least communicate more often.

I left the phone call with a calmed feeling - as if there were so many things I had wanted to discuss with him for so long that I finally did.

Right choice!




7 comments:

  1. My youngest of three brothers it the one I feel closest to. We see he and my sister in law at least once a year, and so enjoy their company, despite the fact that he is ten years younger.

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  2. there is really nothing like that sibling bond.

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  3. Wow, that's a bunch of brothers, he should be pleased that of all of them you connected best with him. I understand the choice you had to make regarding his wedding. When you are a mom in such stressful circumstances as yours were, the kids have to come first - they are your reason for staying alive! I am not surprised to learn that after all these years it wasn't weighing on him as much as it has you. We so often carry guilt in our suitcase forever, mine is heavy too. This is a great year to start unpacking and making that call was such an awesome step! Even if your lives have gone in very different directions, the caring and listening and being supportive of one another can still be rekindled. I hope you get to visit more often. I've worked hard in the past couple years to build healthy relationships with my two sisters, it isn't always easy, but I keep trying, because I want to do it right this time, and I believe we can! Great post, Brenda! :-)

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    1. Thanks JTS - I am definitely on that reparation path

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  4. There have been times when it has been months or even years between calls between me and my brother so I know where you're coming from. I not try to talk to him at least once a week.

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    1. I think once a week would be very intrusive on him - but I do like the more communication path.

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  5. I longed for siblings when I was younger. Seeing so many others have that great bond with a brother or sister was difficult as an only child. But, I also realized I had TONS of cousins to play with, so I really was blessed. It must be hard to be apart from people who share such an immense and rich history with.

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